The Wolf of Wall Street coolschool

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DEDICATION,UTHOR S NOTE,ROLOGUE A BABE IN THE WOODS. CHAPTER 1 A WOLF IN SHEEP S CLOTHING,CHAPTER 2 THE DUCHESS OF BAY RIDGE. CHAPTER 3 CANDID CAMERA,CHAPTER 4 WASP HEAVEN,CHAPTER 5 THE MOST POWERFUL DRUG. CHAPTER 6 FREEZING REGULATORS,CHAPTER 7 SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF. CHAPTER 8 THE COBBLER,CHAPTER 9 PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY.
CHAPTER 10 THE DEPRAVED CHINAMAN,CHAPTER 11 THE LAND OF RATHOLES. CHAPTER 12 DARK PREMONITIONS,CHAPTER 13 MONEY LAUNDERING 101. CHAPTER 14 INTERNATIONAL OBSESSIONS,CHAPTER 15 THE CONFESSOR. CHAPTER 16 RELAPSE BEHAVIOR,CHAPTER 17 THE MASTER FORGER. CHAPTER 18 FU MANCHU AND THE MULE,CHAPTER 19 A LEAST LIKELY MULE.
CHAPTER 20 A CHINK IN THE ARMOR,CHAPTER 21 FORM OVER SUBSTANCE. CHAPTER 22 LUNCHTIME IN THE ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE,CHAPTER 23 WALKING A FINE LINE. CHAPTER 24 PASSING THE TORCH,CHAPTER 25 REAL REALS. CHAPTER 26 DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES,CHAPTER 27 ONLY THE GOOD DIE YOUNG. CHAPTER 28 IMMORTALIZING THE DEAD,CHAPTER 29 DESPERATE MEASURES.
CHAPTER 30 NEW ADDITIONS,CHAPTER 31 THE JOY OF PARENTHOOD. CHAPTER 32 MORE JOY,CHAPTER 33 REPRIEVES,CHAPTER 34 TRAVELING BADLY. CHAPTER 35 THE STORM BEFORE THE STORM,CHAPTER 36 JAILS INSTITUTIONS AND DEATH. CHAPTER 37 SICK AND SICKER,CHAPTER 38 MARTIANS OF THE THIRD REICH. CHAPTER 39 SIX WAYS TO KILL AN INTERVENTIONIST,PILOGUE THE BETRAYERS.
CKNOWLEDGMENTS, To my two wonderful children Chandler and Carter Belfort. AUTHOR S NOTE, This book is a work of memoir it is a true story based on my best recollections of various events in. my life Where indicated the names and identifying characteristics of certain people mentioned in the. book have been changed in order to protect their privacy In some instances I rearranged and or. compressed events and time periods in service of the narrative and I recreated dialogue to match my. best recollection of those exchanges,A BABE IN THE WOODS. May 1 1987, You re lower than pond scum said my new boss leading me through the boardroom of LF. Rothschild for the first time You got a problem with that Jordan. No I replied no problem,Good snapped my boss and he kept right on walking.
We were walking through a maze of brown mahogany desks and black telephone wire on the. twenty third floor of a glass and aluminum tower that rose up forty one stories above Manhattan s. fabled Fifth Avenue The boardroom was a vast space perhaps fifty by seventy feet It was an. oppressive space loaded with desks telephones computer monitors and some very obnoxious. yuppies seventy of them in all They had their suit jackets off and at this hour of morning 9 20 a m. they were leaning back in their seats reading their Wall Street Journal s and congratulating. themselves on being young Masters of the Universe, Being a Master of the Universe it seemed like a noble pursuit and as I walked past the Masters in. my cheap blue suit and clodhopper shoes I found myself wishing I were one of them But my new. boss was quick to remind me that I wasn t Your job he looked at the plastic nametag on my cheap. blue lapel Jordan Belfort is a connector which means you ll be dialing the phone five hundred. times a day trying to get past secretaries You re not trying to sell anything or recommend anything. or create anything You re just trying to get business owners on the phone He paused for a brief. instant then spewed out more venom And when you do get one on the phone all you ll say is. Hello Mr So and So I have Scott holding for you and then you pass the phone to me and start. dialing again Think you can handle that or is that too complicated for you. No I can handle it I said confidently as a wave of panic overtook me like a killer tsunami The. LF Rothschild training program was six months long They would be tough months grueling months. during which I would be at the very mercy of assholes like Scott the yuppie scumbag who seemed to. have bubbled up from the fiery depths of yuppie hell. Sneaking peaks at him out of the corner of my eye I came to the quick conclusion that Scott looked. like a goldfish He was bald and pale and what little hair he did have left was a muddy orange He was. in his early thirties on the tall side and he had a narrow skull and pink puffy lips He wore a bow tie. which made him look ridiculous Over his bulging brown eyeballs he wore a pair of wire rimmed. spectacles which made him look fishy in the goldfish sense of the word. Good said the scumbag goldfish Now here are the ground rules There are no breaks no. personal calls no sick days no coming in late and no loafing off You get thirty minutes for lunch. he paused for effect and you better be back on time because there are fifty people waiting to take. your desk if you fuck up, He kept walking and talking as I followed one step behind mesmerized by the thousands of orange. diode stock quotes that came skidding across gray colored computer monitors At the front of the. room a wall of plate glass looked out over midtown Manhattan Up ahead I could see the Empire State. Building It towered above everything seeming to rise up to the heavens and scrape the sky It was a. sight to behold a sight worthy of a young Master of the Universe And right now that goal seemed. further and further away, To tell you the truth sputtered Scott I don t think you re cut out for this job You look like a. kid and Wall Street s no place for kids It s a place for killers A place for mercenaries So in that. sense you re lucky I m not the one who does the hiring around here He let out a few ironic chuckles. I bit my lip and said nothing The year was 1987 and yuppie assholes like Scott seemed to rule the. world Wall Street was in the midst of a raging bull market and freshly minted millionaires were. being spit out a dime a dozen Money was cheap and a guy named Michael Milken had invented. something called junk bonds which had changed the way corporate America went about its. business It was a time of unbridled greed a time of wanton excess It was the era of the yuppie. As we neared his desk my yuppie nemesis turned to me and said I ll say it again Jordan You re. the lowest of the low You re not even a cold caller yet you re a connector Disdain dripped off the. very word And til you pass your Series Seven connecting will be your entire universe And that is. why you are lower than pond scum You got a problem with that. Absolutely not I replied It s the perfect job for me because I am lower than pond scum I. shrugged innocently, Unlike Scott I don t look like a goldfish which made me feel proud as he stared at me searching. my face for irony I m on the short side though and at the age of twenty four I still had the soft. boyish features of an adolescent It was the sort of face that made it difficult for me to get into a bar. without getting proofed I had a full head of light brown hair smooth olive skin and a pair of big blue. eyes Not altogether bad looking, But alas I hadn t been lying to Scott when I d told him that I felt lower than pond scum In point of.
fact I did The problem was that I had just run my first business venture into the ground and my self. esteem had been run into the ground with it It had been an ill conceived venture into the meat and. seafood industry and by the time it was over I had found myself on the ass end of twenty six truck. leases all of which I d personally guaranteed and all of which were now in default So the banks. were after me as was some belligerent woman from American Express a bearded three hundred. pounder by the sound of her who was threatening to personally kick my ass if I didn t pay up I had. considered changing my phone number but I was so far behind on my phone bill that NYNEX was. after me too, We reached Scott s desk and he offered me the seat next to his along with some kind words of. encouragement Look at the bright side he quipped If by some miracle you don t get fired for. laziness stupidness insolence or tardiness then you might actually become a stockbroker one day. He smirked at his own humor And just so you know last year I made over three hundred thousand. dollars and the other guy you ll be working for made over a million. Over a million I could only imagine what an asshole the other guy was With a sinking heart I. asked Who s the other guy,Why asked my yuppie tormentor What s it to you. Sweet Jesus I thought Only speak when spoken to you nincompoop It was like being in the. Marines In fact I was getting the distinct impression that this bastard s favorite movie was An. Officer and a Gentleman and he was playing out a Lou Gossett fantasy on me pretending he was a. drill sergeant in charge of a substandard Marine But I kept that thought to myself and all I said was. Uh nothing I was just uh curious, His name is Mark Hanna and you ll meet him soon enough With that he handed me a stack of. three by five index cards each of them having the name and phone number of a wealthy business. owner on it Smile and dial he instructed and don t pick up your fucking head til twelve Then. he sat down at his own desk picked up a copy of The Wall Street Journal and put his black crocodile. dress shoes on the desktop and started reading, I was about to pick up the phone when I felt a beefy hand on my shoulder I looked up and with a. single glance I knew it was Mark Hanna He reeked of success like a true Master of the Universe He. was a big guy about six one two twenty and most of it muscle He had jet black hair dark intense. eyes thick fleshy features and a fair smattering of acne scars He was handsome in a downtown sort. of way giving off the hip whiff of Greenwich Village I felt the charisma oozing off him. Jordan he said in a remarkably soothing tone, Yeah that s me I replied in the tone of the doomed Pond scum first class at your service.
He laughed warmly and the shoulder pads of his 2 000 gray pin striped suit rose and fell with each. chuckle Then in a voice louder than necessary he said Yeah well I see you got your first dose of. the village asshole He motioned his head toward Scott. I nodded imperceptibly He winked back No worry I m the senior broker here he s just a. worthless piker So disregard everything he said and anything he might ever say in the future. Try as I might I couldn t help but glance over at Scott who was now muttering the words Fuck. Mark didn t take offense though He simply shrugged and stepped around my desk putting his. great bulk between Scott and me and he said Don t let him bother you I hear you re a first class. salesman In a year from now that moron will be kissing your ass. I smiled feeling a mixture of pride and embarrassment Who told you I was a great salesman. Steven Schwartz the guy who hired you He said you pitched him stock right in the job interview. Mark chuckled at that He was impressed he told me to watch out for you. Yeah I was nervous he wasn t gonna hire me There were twenty people lined up for interviews so. I figured I better do something drastic you know make an impression I shrugged my shoulders. He told me I d need to tone it down a bit though, Mark smirked Yeah well don t tone it down too much High pressure s a must in this business. People don t buy stock it gets sold to them Don t ever forget that He paused letting his words sink. in Anyway Sir Scumbag over there was right about one thing Connecting does suck I did it for. seven months and I wanted to kill myself every day So I ll let you in on a little secret and he. lowered his voice conspiratorially You only pretend to connect You loaf off at every opportunity. He smiled and winked then raised his voice back to normal Don t get me wrong I want you to pass. me as many connects as possible because I make money off them But I don t want you to slit your. wrists over it cause I hate the sight of blood He winked again So take lots of breaks Go to the. bathroom and jerk off if you have to That s what I did and it worked like a charm for me You like. jerking off I assume right, I was a bit taken aback by the question but as I would later learn a Wall Street boardroom was no. place for symbolic pleasantries Words like shit and fuck and bastard and prick were as common as. yes and no and maybe and please I said Yeah I uh love jerking off I mean what guy doesn t. He nodded almost relieved Good that s real good Jerking off is key And I also strongly. recommend the use of drugs especially cocaine because that ll make you dial faster which is good. for me He paused as if searching for more words of wisdom but apparently came up short Well. that s about it he said That s all the knowledge I can impart to you now You ll do fine rookie. One day you ll even look back at this and laugh that much I can promise you He smiled once more. and then took a seat before his own phone, A moment later a buzzer sounded announcing that the market had just opened I looked at my. Timex watch purchased at JCPenney for fourteen bucks last week It was nine thirty on the nose It. was May 4 1987 my first day on Wall Street, Just then over the loudspeaker came the voice of LF Rothschild s sales manager Steven Schwartz. Okay gentlemen The futures look strong this morning and serious buying is coming in from. Tokyo Steven was only thirty eight years old but he d made over 2 million last year Another. Master of the Universe We re looking at a ten point pop at the open he added so let s hit the. phones and rock and roll, And just like that the room broke out into pandemonium Feet came flying off desktops Wall Street.
blue lapel Jordan Belfort is a connector which means you ll be dialing the phone five hundred times a day trying to get past secretaries You re not trying to sell anything or recommend anything or create anything You re just trying to get business owners on the phone He paused for a brief instant then spewed out more venom And when you do get one on the phone all you

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