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does anyone ever,really change, My husband s parents were coming for a visit reason enough to paint. the basement let alone clean the refrigerator as any woman knows When. company comes we put our best foot forward especially when the com. pany coming is the in laws We color our hair buy a new top hide the nail. holes in the wall with toothpaste we make one more pass at teaching the. dog to sit and our children to read sit up straight and chew with their. mouths closed all within a period of about forty eight hours. A few days before their arrival John s mother mentioned that she. wanted to take me to get a massage during their stay. I had never had a massage before and the thought of some stranger. touching my body was not an appealing one to me My mother in law. assured me I would love it I hoped I would But I didn t think so You see. I didn t love my body Far to the contrary I was embarrassed by it I didn t. Excerpted from Becoming Myself 2013 Stasi Eldredge Published by David C Cook. 12 becoming myself, exactly relish the thought of exposing it to the hands of some strange mas. seuse How does one lose ten pounds in four days I googled it It involves. lemon juice and cayenne pepper I couldn t do it But I had to go It was. her gift to me She was excited to give it I needed to be grateful to receive. it Or at least appear to be, After checking in at the spa we were both given soft luxurious bath. robes and a pair of plastic slippers We were shown to the changing area. with lockers for our clothes purses and jewelry I looked at Mom and. asked with dread All our clothes, Yes all your clothes Seeing the look on my face she graciously. added You can keep your underwear on if you d be more comfortable. The time came for me to try to discreetly undress and put on the. bathrobe while not exposing an inch of skin to any woman who might. happen to glance my way That was difficult but I was determined I was. also uncomfortable Then I was mortified The one size fits all bathrobe. didn t fit all I was too large for it, Securing my nonemotional matter of fact face I put my clothes back.
on and headed out front to speak the dreaded words This doesn t fit me. Do you have anything larger, They did have a larger robe They had a man s robe An extra large. man s robe In a much different color from the women s robes. Here we were at this spa sitting in the waiting room surrounded by. lots of other women wearing matching bathrobes and I was wearing one. that might as well have been flashing an orange neon glow in the dark sign. that read obese, I went into the bathroom and cried I vowed never to be in that situ. ation again, But eleven years later one hundred pounds down and ninety back up I. was Different gift Different spa Different robe But no larger size available. Excerpted from Becoming Myself 2013 Stasi Eldredge Published by David C Cook. does anyone ever really change 13, Why don t I have victory here Why haven t I been able to maintain lasting. change What is wrong with me Have you ever felt that Maybe not with. your weight but with some area of your life,why here and not there.
I remember well the laughter of an older friend over my inability to lose. weight It wasn t cruel laughter it was lighthearted With delight in her eyes. and a deep sense of knowing she asked me how hard did I think it would. be for God to take care of that struggle for me With a snap of her fingers. she demonstrated how quickly he could remove all compulsion to use food. to comfort myself numb my pain or simply escape, Well then if it would be so easy for him why wasn t he doing it. I certainly had asked him pleaded with him cried out to him for help here. So it s his fault really That s how I felt, The thing is I have experienced change miraculous change Shortly. before becoming a Christian in my early twenties I had wanted to clean up. my act I d become acutely aware of my dependence on drugs and alcohol. how I was using them every single day in order to endure my life or at least. keep the pain at bay I decided that I would quit cold turkey I wouldn t. smoke pot do any drugs or drink alcohol and while I was at it I d stop. eating sugar too I didn t make it twenty four hours On any front. One night in desperation and hope I gave up trying to fix my life and. collapsed into the waiting arms of Jesus responding to his invitation Come to. me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest Take my yoke. upon you and learn from me For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matt 11 28 30 I had finished reading the verses and fallen on the floor. I was weary beyond words My life was a shambles My heart was shat. tered and I had done much of the shattering myself I confessed my deep. Excerpted from Becoming Myself 2013 Stasi Eldredge Published by David C Cook. 14 becoming myself, need to God and asked him to come for me if he would have me I gave. my life to Jesus mess that it was mess that I was and he did come for me. My little salvation prayer worked, Two weeks later I realized that I had not smoked any pot taken any. drugs or drunk any alcohol since my prayer Two weeks This broke all. records from the previous ten years This was a true blue bona fide miracle. God delivered me from even the desire to use anything I didn t want to. and I didn t need to I was awakened to my soul and to the presence of God. and to hope And yeah baby there were hard days in that season but the. myriad of stories I have of God s miraculous coming for me in the nick of. time are glorious, Back then food wasn t a huge issue I wasn t overweight and I wasn t.
inclined to binge That came later But when it came it came with an. unyielding power that all my prayer and efforts repentance determination. and willpower could not budge, God delivered me once Why wouldn t he snap his fingers and do it. Many women feel like a failure as a woman I know that oftentimes. I do A failure as a human being really It has affected just about every. thing I have done and everything I have been kept from doing But I. am not a failure as a human being or as a woman In some core place. deep within I know this I fail yes But I am not a failure I disappoint. But I am not a disappointment Yet when I find myself again in this. place losing the battle for my beauty my body my heart I can sure. feel like a failure in every way And isn t that true for every woman. Don t we all have secret places where we are not living in the victory. we long for places that color how we see ourselves Doesn t it go on to. become a barrier between us and the people in our lives A wall separat. ing us from the love of God,Or is it just me, Excerpted from Becoming Myself 2013 Stasi Eldredge Published by David C Cook. does anyone ever really change 15,I didn t think so. Sometimes we feel hopeless to ever change simply because our personal. history is filled with our failed attempts to change Where was that angel. who was supposed to be guarding our tongue and preventing those harsh. words from lashing out at our children What happened to that fruit of the. Spirit that was empowering us to be self controlled and pass by the donut. section God has not given me a spirit of fear so why am I so consumed. with worry over my children my finances my future If the fear of man is. a snare why do I still find I am terrified of exposing my true self and then. being rejected My bondage to food has been revealed as a liar and a thief. and yet in the moment of pain too often I still turn to it. He has not turned his face away The very fact that we long for the. change we do is a sign that we are meant to have it Our very dissatisfaction. with our weaknesses and struggles points to the reality that continuing to. live in them is not our destiny, Read those two sentences again Let hope rise Why are you struggling. with the things you do There is a reason It is found in the life you have. lived the wounds you have received what you have come to believe about. yourself because of them and not having a clue how to bear your sorrow It. is also because of who you are meant to be, It is not too late It is not too hard You are not too much God s mer.
cies are new every morning There is mercy in his eyes even now. rising to the occasion, I hate spiders They are creepy Movies have been made about giant poi. sonous spiders invading from the Amazon There s an old movie about a. massive spider hiding in train tunnels and then of course there s that nasty. Excerpted from Becoming Myself 2013 Stasi Eldredge Published by David C Cook. 16 becoming myself, giant spider who chased down a poor helpless hobbit Spiders Yuck They. are guaranteed to draw screams, I used to scream when I came upon one in the bathroom I was almost. twelve years old when my mother refused to come and kill the hairy terrify. ing thing in the sink for me Don t be ridiculous You do it I mustered. all my bravery into a wad of toilet paper and squished the poor thing. Afterward I was pretty sure that all of this spider s relatives all of its aunts. and uncles and brothers and sisters and mother and father were going to. come after me for revenge They would probably creep up on me sometime. during the night Yes it was an irrational fear Well maybe Anyway I hate. When I was twenty three I lived for a year by myself in a one room. cottage behind a friend s home It was tiny It was perfect for me It had. one drawback You guessed it it was filled with spiders I would wake. each morning to at least ten spread out on the walls greeting me to the. new day When I returned from work at night a dozen more would be. staggered around the room to welcome me home I adjusted I no longer. scream when I see a spider usually and yes I can kill them all by myself. If I have to, My living situation growing up and out forced me to take responsibil. ity for my little world You know the saying Adapt or die Or maybe. it was That which does not kill you makes you stronger Either way I. needed to support myself Pay rent Buy car insurance Plan a wedding. Kill or ignore invading spiders I needed to rise to the occasion of my life. It took practice Killing that first spider as a young woman on the verge of. adolescence was a milestone for me and over time I became a woman who. possesses the capacity not to be paralyzed in the presence of an eight legged. creature I changed And that s a good thing, Maybe you never were afraid of spiders Maybe you are like my friend.
Sam who captures any and all invading insects yes even spiders gently. Excerpted from Becoming Myself 2013 Stasi Eldredge Published by David C Cook. does anyone ever really change 17, transporting them to her backyard and releasing them to buggy freedom. But you do have those places in your life where you want to grow up You. want to be free,I believe you can, I believe God is in the business of setting us free making each of us. into the woman he always wanted us to be The woman we always wanted. to be Sometimes he does it with the flip of a switch But not most of the. time as you well know Most of the time God invites us into a process of. change a process where by his grace we can rise to the occasion of our. lives But before we talk about that process there are a few things we need. to get straight,shame and discipline won t cut it,First shame is not an agent of change. Like a shot of caffeine in the morning self loathing may propel us onto. the road of change but we will find that hatred of self only leads us onto a. never ending roundabout Like being terrified by a number on the scale in. the morning and vowing never to overeat again a shot of shame may get. us through to lunch but never through to our freedom Self hatred shame. and fear though rampant in so many of our hidden worlds are simply. never going to be capable of creating or sustaining the growth we long for. Yet most women try to use shame as their inner motivator I know I have. Self discipline isn t going to cut it either, Discipline particularly spiritual discipline is a holy and good thing. one that increases over a lifetime of practice But when we lean on it alone. to bring about the change we long for we find that the fruit is not a grace. filled woman We get angry we get discouraged If we do make it through. a few battles we can easily become the kind of woman who pressures others. to do the same a hard and get your act together kind of woman With. Excerpted from Becoming Myself 2013 Stasi Eldredge Published by David C Cook. 18 becoming myself, self discipline the focus remains self so we are already off to a bad start.
Trying striving working harder may get us through the week but it won t. take us through the decades Yet most Christian women believe that this is. the way to handle our external world,I got a kick out of an email I received last week. Some women at our church decided to do a study on, the Proverbs 31 woman I joined because I want to get. to know these ladies but really I loathe the Proverbs 31. woman She makes me feel like But anyway last, week the study told us to buy a new mattress so we sleep. better so we can serve more and clean out our pantry and. yesterday it said I should only eat vegetables and water for. the next 10 days like Daniel and today I m supposed. to stop eating sugar and serving it to my family I say. to my husband So we need a new mattress and we are. A teacher and conference speaker Stasi Eldredge leads the women s ministry of Ransomed Heart a ministry devoted to helping people discover the heart of God She is the coauthor of Captivating and Love amp War with her husband John Her books have sold nearly 3 million copies Stasi loves the joy and freedom that come from knowing Jesus and longs to see others come to know him more deeply

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